Introduction: 7 Ways To Become a Peaceful Mom
Have you ever felt completely frazzled as a mom?
Has your life ever felt so chaotic that the idea of being a peaceful mom seems like a complete joke?
I totally get it. As a stay-at-home mom myself (who “solo parents” while my spouse travels frequently for work), I know how hectic mom life can be.
But with years of experience as a therapist, I also have enough practical knowledge to help reshape that hectic mom life experience into one that can actually feel more peaceful.
And because I’m a big believer in sharing what you know, I want you to know all my favorite tips on ways to become a more peaceful mom.
1. Set Realistic Expectations for Yourself:
We all want to be supermom and have the house perfectly clean, 3 balanced home-cooked meals on the table (plus nutritious snacks) each day, and a little one who’s had zero screen time and has participated happily in all our adorable craft ideas… all while rocking an adorable outfit and perfect hair.
But is that realistic? Not likely.
And, more importantly, is it realistic for a mom who wants to also be more peaceful? Not at all.
That’s why I suggest keeping in mind the things you can “ditch” each day to become a more peaceful mom.
Does the laundry really have to be folded today? It’ll likely still be there tomorrow.
Does your child genuinely need to do that messy craft you had planned if your tank is already empty? Maybe switching up your plans to include playing with blocks or extra reading time is what you need to maintain your sanity.
I know you were looking forward to making homemade muffins with your little one, but can that be pushed off to tomorrow since today has already been so stressful?
Having a good understanding of your priorities (and those you can honestly “ditch”) can help you on days where you’re overwhelmed.
Being able to ditch some of your self-imposed expectations of the day (or things that create more mess for you to deal with) can help you be a more peaceful parent.
2.Set Realistic Expectations for Your Little One:
It’s just as important to set realistic expectations for your little one as it is to set realistic expectations for yourself.
Plus, knowing what’s realistic for your little one will actually help you gain a better understanding of what’s realistic for you as a mom.
The first key to setting realistic expectations of your little one is being a little familiar with what is developmentally appropriate.
A 6-month-old is not developmentally capable of having as long of independent playtime as an 18-month-old is.
An 18-month-old might need you to keep better tabs on their whereabouts if they’ve just learned to climb up furniture versus a 6-month-old who hasn’t yet mastered crawling.
Some 15-month-olds are able to hold markers and crayons for tasks but it’s not the norm for 9-month-olds to be able to do the same.
The second key to setting realistic expectations for your little one is knowing their unique temperament.
Some toddlers have longer attention spans when playing with certain toys. Other toddlers need more interaction to maintain their play.
Your little one may be “clingier” in nature and want you close by while other littles are more independent and tend to wander from mom for longer periods.
Your toddler may enjoy watching or helping you vacuum while other toddlers may be scared of the noise the vacuum cleaner makes.
Knowing both what is developmentally within your child’s wheelhouse as well as their temperament and preferences will help you be more realistic about how you can both fill your time throughout the day. This will help you become a more peaceful mom.
3. Peaceful Moms Have a Gameplan for Dealing with Tough Emotions
Remember that holding in challenging emotions does not lead to peace. And it will not help you become a more peaceful mom.
If you’re feeling frustrated, shoving it down doesn’t equal peace. It actually just puts you more on edge and more likely to be set off at the next thing (no matter how small).
Instead of shoving down or ignoring your emotions, find healthy ways that you can let them out. A bonus is that you can model for your little one how to handle difficult emotions.
A couple great ways to let out your frustration include:
- Simply identifying the emotion out loud. Say “I’m frustrated that it’s taking so long for us to get in the car for our errands.” Naming your emotion is a highly effective way of letting it out.
- Take deep breaths. Deep breathing helps regulate your nervous system. It can physically calm you down quickly.
4. Peaceful Moms Practice Mindful Parenting
Practicing mindful parenting is an excellent way to become a more peaceful parent.
Know that mindful parenting is all about approaching parenting with an open, curious, and non-judgmental stance.
A couple of the most effective ways to start doing this today are to:
- Stay present with your child. Instead of scrolling through social media and comparing your parenting journey to another, you stay in the moment with your little one.
- Focus on now instead of the future. Instead of worrying about whether your little one will take their afternoon nap, bring your focus back to the current moment.
5. Peaceful Moms Create Flexible Routine:
Flexible routines are key for being a peaceful parent.
Not only do little ones thrive on having a routine (they love that sense of security knowing that their afternoon snack always happens after their nap, for instance), but it’s great for you as well.
With a flexible routine, you better know what to expect during your day.
You have an idea of the flow of your days with your little one. You know that they will be down for an hour-long nap that you can use to recharge. Or maybe you know that they love lunchtime and that will give you a chance to enjoy your meal too.
It will also help you brace for the tough parts of the day. Mine is always that hour or so stretch before dinner.
Knowing that helps me be prepared mentally and practically. I know that I may be multitasking to prep dinner and entertain my little one.
Maybe I use that knowledge to do as much dinner prep as possible during nap time. Or maybe I can plan to pull out the most exciting toy or even save up screen time to use during that window.
A flexible routine is also flexible in nature. It allows for shifting and moving things around as needed.
Is nap time a disaster? Let’s be flexible and push it back to see if the little one will be more tired after a snack and some play time.
Are you too overwhelmed to make that complicated dinner? Time to grab those dino chicken nuggets from the freezer.
Holding your routine with flexibility will help you keep peace by not overwhelming yourself when you are already stressed.
6. Peaceful Moms Choose Their Battles
Peaceful moms know how to choose their battles.
Get familiar with what really matters to you as a mom and know that those values will be the basis of how you pick your battles.
For instance, the things that really matter to me as a mom are safety and kindness.
So I will prioritize issues that relate to safety and kindness.
Little one hitting the dog? Nope, that’s getting addressed.
Toddler climbing on the stair banisters? Unsafe – I’m correcting that behavior.
Kid doesn’t want to change out of his pajamas? Unless it could cause a safety issue (like not being dressed appropriately for the weather), it really doesn’t matter most days.
Learning to let go of minor conflicts or power struggles with your little one will save you so much frustration and, ultimately, help you become a more peaceful mom.
6. Use Positive Parenting Principles
Positive parenting focuses more on teaching your child how you want them to behave versus scolding them for not behaving how you want them to.
It focuses on using a warm tone and encouraging demeanor instead of “drill sergeant vibes”.
When parents effectively use positive parenting, they find themselves using encouragement instead of shame to guide their little ones.
Positive parenting will create a more peaceful environment for both you and your child.
Simple ways to start positive parenting include:
- Acknowledge and praise good behavior.
- Reinforce positive actions with encouragement.
- Focusing on the “yes” (read more about that here)
As you reinforce positive aspects of your little one, you’ll start to feel more positive as a by-product.
As your outer voice becomes more encouraging for your little one, you may notice that your inner voice will also become more encouraging for you as well.
Conclusion:
Remember, being a peaceful parent doesn’t happen overnight. It’s normal to make mistakes and learn from them. What really matters is giving yourself grace while you figure it out and give your little one grace because they’re still figuring it out too.
